Parenting 101

Hi Universe, 

We got back from Thailand a few weeks ago, and as usual I got really lazy.  So I haven't kept up with this project.. but no guilt. :P

Babies are now 3 months old, and doing really well!  Both have started to smile, and their personalities are becoming more evident every day. 

So I think I have formed my own theory on parenting.. 

I call it Parenting without Guilt.  

It's quite liberating, in fact and only one involves one very simple principle.  No one knows your baby like you do, and you have the best odds for knowing whats right for them.  There are of course clear recommendations by pediatricians, etc, that one should keep in mind. (Anti -Vaxxers .. sorry this is not meant to make you feel better about your horrible decision.)  

In case you want a brief overview of what parenting books tell you, its basically one of two camps.  Parent leading vs Child leading care.  Child leading care is popularized by a guy named Dr. Sears, who  basically says any moment you spend away from your child is a travesty, and relies heavily on guilting parents into complying with their child's every wish.  They are big into breastfeeding, co-sleeping (a higher SIDS risk), feeding on demand, etc.  The principal here is that your child is trying to make a connection to the real world, and needs to attach to you to do so.  This will build his/her confidence to the point that in the future s/he will be self sufficient. The extreme: Think Time magazine cover of the 3 year old sucking on a boob.   

Parent led parenting is the opposite: scheduled feedings, pumping or bottle feeding as necessary, separate sleeping arrangements, etc. Parent led parenting has several names and forms, but the most popularly named example is Ferber.  He "created" a method of sleep training (getting your kid to go to sleep) in which gradual time increases eventually extinguish poor behaviors.  The basic premise of Parent led parenting is that your baby should learn how to soothe him/herself gradually, yet early on.  This will help develop a self sufficient adult.  The extreme of this is baby cries till he vomits, and many on the Attachment side feel these practices are akin to torture.  

This basically means that no matter what you do, someone is telling you are doing it wrong. 

Parenting without guilt means that you are not beholden to any method, and simply find something that works for you.   Because unfortunately, when it comes down to it: all kids are different, and there is no book on your kid.  You could read parenting books till your blue in the face, and it wont help.  Your best chance at survival: try everything.   We literally have tried everything possible for some time (except breastfeeding because that wouldn't go so well with our parts) , and will likely continue to experiment.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  

When they were very young we were feeding by demand, till we felt a schedule could be done.  Now we feed with a flexible schedule.  And I carry no guilt about it.  We can't breastfeed.. I carry no guilt about it. (In fact, some of the benefits of breastfeeding seem to be quite a bit over hyped if you read the actual studies.)  If breastfeeding doesn't work for you, don't feel guilty about it.. you're not a bad mother.  If you have to hire 2 nannies so you don't go insane.. rock it.  

In general, things are going well over here.. Sonya is sleeping through the night, thanks to some minor scheduling adjustments we made.  Luke, on the other hand does not (very unfortunate :( ).  Luke used to like rigid schedules, but we have done on demand feeds with him at times.  Sonya has had pretty bad issues with spit up over the last few weeks and which led us to try about 5 different types of formula.  We have decided to create our own and now use 8 cups of enfamil gentleease, and use 4 cups of enfamil ar with 24 oz of water.  Now that's a huge decision for a couple of reasons: Enfamil AR has rice in it which parenting peeps will tell you has a concern for allergies and rice has arsenic in it... which never sounds great.  But we experimented heavily on what how to use the least amount of AR formula with some good effect on the spit up, which has largely resolved now.  She is proudly still gaining weight, and doing quite well! Luke has become a monster feeder, and eats a ton. He is also way more physically engaged and can lift his head up and loves to practice standing.  

Both of them have started to smile, and this happened at almost exactly 3 months of age.  It is really cute to see them happy. :P