The Babes update!

Hi Universe!

Well the last month has seen a lot if change for little Sonya and Luke.  Luke started solid food on that historic day of pi.  Adorable video below.  Sonya started solids in the first day of spring,  another adorable video below.

In general,  parenthood has been a pretty wild ride, but there has been such an explosion of growth these last few weeks, that it has been quite amazing to watch.  Luke's persistent frustration has calmed down a bit as he now has a jumper and can do a few things with his hands. For instance: he can put almost his whole hand in his mouth (and actually stuffs enough fingers in to make himself gag). He still doesn't have much upper body strength, and is quite resistant to tummy time.  He remains very thoughtful, and quite willful.. if he doesn't like something he'll let you know. We have also switched from a general 3 hr routine to a more infant based schedule with naps, milk and food times.  Sonya has been quite content, and has mastered the art of tummy time (for about 15 min).  She is on the verge of rolling over thanks to Justin's tuck and roll classes.  Everyone said solid food poo is much worse than formula poo.. everyone was right.  PS. We did not follow the AAP guidelines about waiting six months to start solids.. mostly because Luke's a beast...90% in weight.  We did a photo shoot with some spring clothes last week, and here they are:

My issues with Islam .. part 2

Hi Universe!

Ok.. where was I? Oh .. inability to change.  So, while I believe orthodox factions of other religions continue to exist, modern society has generally left them behind.  These are types of people who can't see each other during sex, or can't eat hamburger on Wednesdays, etc.  They don't have a large enough force in today's society to make a difference.  I.e. Amish people are stuck in the past, but really don't have enough influence to get the whole world to be Amish like them, nor do they really care about trying to do so.  So modern society leaves them alone.  Muslims are generally the same way; but they number in the billions.  They have their own economies, countries, etc.  However, having a robust economy and believing that everyone should live poor are opposing ideas. (Many religions feel being poor means being closer to God or coming closer to enlightenment, i.e. Buddhist monks, priests, etc.; Islam is no different)  So in every instance when a Muslim country tries to compete with a non-Muslim counterpart, i.e. Pakistan vs India, the latter will win become of a stronger impetus to improve.  Muslims generally believe the pinnacle of society was in 1400 AD, and we should emulate that as much as possible. They generally just want to be left alone, to deal with their own messes in their own way, similar to Hasidics and the Amish.

Now, here is where it gets tricky.  The left views Muslims as something to be coddled as they are generally discriminated against in America.  That part is true.  The right tends to believe that Sharia (Islamic law) is being implemented in America.  That is not true.  99% of Muslims have nothing to do with terrorism and absolutely don't condone that behavior. In fact, most Muslims have such a hard time with the fact that Muslims are responsible for terrorism they have created elaborate rewrites on history to rationalize what it takes to kill thousands of people in the name of religion in the modern era.  If you ask many Muslims if Osama bin laden was responsible for 9/11, you will get a few scripted responses.  These scripted responses are: OBL was involved with 9/11, but it was a secret American plot. OBL was not involved with 9/11, in fact it was (insert some random enemy here).  Or finally, my favorite, OBL was involved with 9/11, but look at how the West has treated Muslim countries.  Not one Muslim I know of has been able to point a finger at themselves, and say.. wow, Islam has a real problem with fundamentalism, lets try to work on that. This is because Islam is complete, whole and final.  If blame is to be assigned, it can be assigned to the measly humans who exist to interpret and live with Islam; but not the religion in its purest form.  This may be true, Islam it it's purest form doesn't a give a rats behind about states, economies, laws, etc.  It has to do with a personal subservience to God that is reached through constant spiritual reminders and prayer.  All worldly distractions are just that: distractions that should be avoided if they move you away from prayer to your Master.  Admitting that Islam has become a negative influence on the world, and that it is not the shining light of Peace that it was meant to be, would mean absolute disaster for the faith.  Nothing can be done to turn that around.

Another interesting fact is that Islam has a legal code.  Again, very similar to Judiasm.  And in both, that legal code is one that favors those that belong the faith.  So while the purest form of Islam is a very simple concept, (One God, submit), it grows to become a larger entity to encompass work, play, marriage, etc. As everything can come in line to submit to God, this is how a very simple thing becomes very complicated.  There is a very real attraction toward submitting yourself to something else, think Fifty shades of Grey.  You can find respite knowing that life may be unfair, but at least there is a larger purpose to it.  As long as you continue to submit, there is really no disaster you can't handle, because God has a plan.  There is also a real attraction to the lack of moral ambiguity.  A huge plus to a Muslim.  You don't have to wrestle with grey areas; everything is put in to neat little boxes for you.  Gays = bad.  Alcohol = bad. Gambling  = bad. I remember a picture book of foods you could eat with big Xs on the animals that were ... bad.  The fact that we have technology that makes those foods safe to eat in 2015: not relevant.  God commanded don't do it.. so don't do it. So easy. Quite attractive, when in reality the world is in constant moral flux.  Almost as attractive, is the fact that when you've forsaken the world for God, you really don't have that much to care about.  Other than making people see things your way, to lift the veil off the world and expose it for the cancer it is. Those walking in that path with you are your brothers and sisters, and you can rely on them like family. Now since Muslim economies generally can't compete in the world economy.. there is high unemployment.. which leads to sending your kids to madrasa (Islamic schooling) and the short stepping stone from madrasa to terrorist cell.

Western Muslims do have a more enlightened view of Islam that is not wholly incompatible with modernization and often retort that Muslims only turn to fundamentalism because the West is so corrupt and they need a counter to all the sex, drugs, etc. Or because of the West's policies to Muslim countries.  This is unfortunately not the case.  Muslim countries did a fine job destroying themselves. They have persistently shown themselves incapable of rooting out terrorism, simply because the ask is too great.  Islam treats insiders better than outsiders.. FACT.  You have to tell people the Islamic doctrine needs amending which would have zero buy in. It would be next to impossible to drop the Sharia Law and just follow tenets of the religion, praying, charity, fasting, etc.  On the other hand, the Bible also says some ridiculously horrible things,but these things have largely been whitewashed away, as they are ridiculous in the 21st century.  Islam has a much harder time with this.   

Is there any reason to fear a Muslim for being Muslim.. No! Absolutely not.  Are they free to exercise their religion as they please.. Yes of course! Are they trying to bring Sharia Law to the US.. No.. not at all. When living in a foreign land, Muslims are prescribed to live in peace and follow the rules of that land.  They just want to practice freely, and in peace, like we allow the Amish to do.  However, if you believe that 1400 Arabia is the goal, you will never be able to maximize  your potential, and if allowed to run countries...they will always run into the ground.  Are Muslims generally xenophobic, sure.. but so are many other cultures.  Muslims need to understand that parts of Sharia Law are outdated, and need to come up with new laws on interacting with each other and outsiders to live in the 21st century.  

My issues with Islam... part 1

Hi Universe,

I now take a moment away from changing diapers and singing the alphabet (which Justin gives me flack for), to discuss my feelings on the current issues with foreign policy, Islam, Islamophobia and ISIS.  I am by no means an expert opinion in this.  I do however have quite an in depth knowledge on the thoughts of regular day Muslims and my experience in how they interact with the world around them.

So, in case you didnt know, I was born Muslim, and grew up in a very religious environment.  I will inform the lay person of what this means.  Some facts..  Muslims believe in a singular God, Allah(S), is just one of the many names to describe God.  There are 99 other names as well. These names include giver of honor.. and dishonor.  The Merciful and the Humilator....the list goes on.  The Muslim concept of God is extremely singular, and quite abstract.  When I was taught about God, it was often like this: think about each particle in the universe, where it did come from, where did that come from, etc.  There has to be some master puppeteer.. Muslims call that God. Muhammad(S) is NOT a God.

God doesn't care about you in any real way, he created and then we existed.  There were no accidents, no heaven vs hell epic laser gun battles (which btw make a lot more sense to me than using swords and shields). God is omniscient, there is no way of doing anything He doesn't know about.  Whether he cares.. that is a different story.  A Muslim's only purpose in life is to serve God, in fact Muslim means servant/submitter.  Many stories of prophets include having God do ridiculous things to you while you keep saying Thank you.  God may burn your field, but at least he gave you air to breathe.  God may take away the air you breathe but at least he let you breathe it for awhile.  Similar to the Jewish God, God can be kind but can also be kind of ruthless.  In fact, one of the stories about praying.. God wanted us to pray 50 times a day, but as a mercy, and a lot of begging from Muhammad.. he whittled it down to 5.  The Muslim God therefore is not an easy God who wants nice things to happen to you... He is a God that wants a LOT of attention, and any interruption in that attention is sacrilege.  He commands to destroy idolatory similar to the Jewish prophets and you can't walk in front of someone while they are praying lest they be considered to be praying to a mortal. God views Humankind.. kind of like we view a dog.  We want it to love us.. and spend a lot of time loving us.  If it doesn't.. well we can spray in the face with some water.. or sentence it to an eternity burning in flames.

Now all jokes aside, one would ask.. why believe in a God like this? I've heard many liberal Christians say if God hates homosexuals... I dont wanna believe in a God like that.  But the Muslim God (and I think very similarly the Jewish God) doesn't really care what you believe.  To the believer, it is fact.  That is the way God is, it is not a matter of debate.  Sometimes dogs get a nice owner.. sometimes they get a rather fickle owner.  You still love your owner.  That's the way a dog should be because it cant just knock on the door of the neighbor and say.. well my first owner was a meanie.. so will you be my owner now?  In fact, there is no reason to believe that God would be nice.  There is sufficient reason to believe that God would be exactly the way he is described in the Quran and the First Testament.  I mean God invented disease, famine, natural disasters, cancer, etc.  If God wanted a nice beautiful world, She/He/It could have easily created that instead.  He seems to have wanted to create a world full of random evils so She/He/It did.  One could say that that one can only know good if they have seen bad, but who cares.  If I had nothing to compare "good" to, then the only difference would be that I would be a little less appreciative of it.  Which as we can see.. is exactly what God would NOT want.  Hence, it is quite logical that if God exists...She/He/It is totally as harsh as Muslims believe.

In Islam, those outside of the religion belong to either two classes: the People of the Book and the kaffir.  The People of the Book are Jews and Christians and the Kaffir are everyone else.  Kaffir are idolators, i.e. Hindus, Buddhists, Romans, etc.  The People of the Book are Christians and Jews, who have misguided beliefs that have either shared power with God (Christians) or not accepted the completing of the story (Jews) with Muhammad and Jesus.  Jewish beliefs mirror Muslim beliefs quite heavily, and I actually don't know of many areas where orthodox Jews are that different from Muslims.  However, with the politics of the world somehow Jews and Muslims don't get along. This somewhat multifactorial.  One component is the state of Israel, which when formed really ticked off the Muslim world.  But that was a generation ago, so why is the existence of a Jewish state such a continued thorn? Well I believe it is two reasons.  One is the slash to pride, which Muslims hold to dearly.  It really has nothing to do with Jews, Anti-Semitism, etc. It has to do with land.  They had land, and they lost a war, and land was taken away.  If it was given to Britain, Germany, etc, they would have felt the same way. 

The other reason has to do with what I call the OSC, the Overly Similar Complex.  This is why Protestants and Catholics have fought, why Sunnis and Shiites have fought, why Amanda Bynes and Miley Cyrus have fought, etc.  If two religions/people,etc are very similar in traits, then you lose feeling unique.  You lose feeling special. Thus you find exactly what it is different about you and the guy/gal next door and hold on to it harder than a hair metal band holds on to the 80s.  This single unique thing that differentiated you from the guy next door now defines your identity completely, and you have to hate the thing that you were so closely related to.. lest you become unimportant.  There is really nothing in Islam that says you should treat anyone with anything less than the utmost courtesy and respect, but if you have devoted all your time to God, and now you don't feel important because that guy next to you is spending his entire day praying as well.. Well.. we may just have a problem because my prayers are better than his prayers.  (In fact, several branches of Islam argue about such things.. like whether the correct way to pray consists of keeping your forefinger up, or wiggling it up and down during a specific part of the prayer ritual.)  Very few cultures embrace differences as a good thing, and even America, which does to more extent than other areas of the world, continues to be plagued by problems regarding this.

What makes Islam way different than it's Jewish counterpart? It's ability to stay exactly the same.  While Judiasm has created conservative and reform movements, Islam has stayed exactly the same.  Some people blame this on not having a Caliph (leader), but really other religions that don't have  a strong centralized leadership have been able to modernize in some sense.  Islam fundamentally prides itself on it's inabilty to change.  Islam is complete .. whole.. final.  The Quran is complete .. whole.. final. This is where Muslims really run into trouble with modern society.

Anyways.. I'm tired now.. so i guess this will be a multiple part submission.

Parenting 101

Hi Universe, 

We got back from Thailand a few weeks ago, and as usual I got really lazy.  So I haven't kept up with this project.. but no guilt. :P

Babies are now 3 months old, and doing really well!  Both have started to smile, and their personalities are becoming more evident every day. 

So I think I have formed my own theory on parenting.. 

I call it Parenting without Guilt.  

It's quite liberating, in fact and only one involves one very simple principle.  No one knows your baby like you do, and you have the best odds for knowing whats right for them.  There are of course clear recommendations by pediatricians, etc, that one should keep in mind. (Anti -Vaxxers .. sorry this is not meant to make you feel better about your horrible decision.)  

In case you want a brief overview of what parenting books tell you, its basically one of two camps.  Parent leading vs Child leading care.  Child leading care is popularized by a guy named Dr. Sears, who  basically says any moment you spend away from your child is a travesty, and relies heavily on guilting parents into complying with their child's every wish.  They are big into breastfeeding, co-sleeping (a higher SIDS risk), feeding on demand, etc.  The principal here is that your child is trying to make a connection to the real world, and needs to attach to you to do so.  This will build his/her confidence to the point that in the future s/he will be self sufficient. The extreme: Think Time magazine cover of the 3 year old sucking on a boob.   

Parent led parenting is the opposite: scheduled feedings, pumping or bottle feeding as necessary, separate sleeping arrangements, etc. Parent led parenting has several names and forms, but the most popularly named example is Ferber.  He "created" a method of sleep training (getting your kid to go to sleep) in which gradual time increases eventually extinguish poor behaviors.  The basic premise of Parent led parenting is that your baby should learn how to soothe him/herself gradually, yet early on.  This will help develop a self sufficient adult.  The extreme of this is baby cries till he vomits, and many on the Attachment side feel these practices are akin to torture.  

This basically means that no matter what you do, someone is telling you are doing it wrong. 

Parenting without guilt means that you are not beholden to any method, and simply find something that works for you.   Because unfortunately, when it comes down to it: all kids are different, and there is no book on your kid.  You could read parenting books till your blue in the face, and it wont help.  Your best chance at survival: try everything.   We literally have tried everything possible for some time (except breastfeeding because that wouldn't go so well with our parts) , and will likely continue to experiment.  And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  

When they were very young we were feeding by demand, till we felt a schedule could be done.  Now we feed with a flexible schedule.  And I carry no guilt about it.  We can't breastfeed.. I carry no guilt about it. (In fact, some of the benefits of breastfeeding seem to be quite a bit over hyped if you read the actual studies.)  If breastfeeding doesn't work for you, don't feel guilty about it.. you're not a bad mother.  If you have to hire 2 nannies so you don't go insane.. rock it.  

In general, things are going well over here.. Sonya is sleeping through the night, thanks to some minor scheduling adjustments we made.  Luke, on the other hand does not (very unfortunate :( ).  Luke used to like rigid schedules, but we have done on demand feeds with him at times.  Sonya has had pretty bad issues with spit up over the last few weeks and which led us to try about 5 different types of formula.  We have decided to create our own and now use 8 cups of enfamil gentleease, and use 4 cups of enfamil ar with 24 oz of water.  Now that's a huge decision for a couple of reasons: Enfamil AR has rice in it which parenting peeps will tell you has a concern for allergies and rice has arsenic in it... which never sounds great.  But we experimented heavily on what how to use the least amount of AR formula with some good effect on the spit up, which has largely resolved now.  She is proudly still gaining weight, and doing quite well! Luke has become a monster feeder, and eats a ton. He is also way more physically engaged and can lift his head up and loves to practice standing.  

Both of them have started to smile, and this happened at almost exactly 3 months of age.  It is really cute to see them happy. :P 

Terrified.

Hi Universe,

As I transition to being a parent.. I get more terrified of it. People always told me how busy I'd be, and really while that's true, the terror is what's really getting to me.. Terror about what? Overwhelming inadequacy.

I am not the type to seek approval... from anyone really.  I was probably the least popular person in school, but it never bothered me one bit.  When I came out to my parents, I was really sad for them.   I was very apprehensive about it, but I was never worried about them being  disappointed in me.  At work, I have always been loud.. never concerned about what people thought of me.

So now for the first time I desperately seek approval: and its from two zero year olds.  This of course is impossible to obtain. 

Somehow, you don't need appreciation for sacrificing your sleep, burping, and cleaning up the endless volumes of feces, urine and vomit... that is really thanked only by the OMG moments.  OMG moments are when you can laugh about how that last fecal blowout took out the whole block.

More than appreciation, I am craving approval.   You want some inclination that your doing it right.  That's essentially nonexistent when one baby has been crying for > 1 hr.  At that point you feel like someone has knocked you in the stomach, kicked you in the face and stabbed you in the heart all about the same time. Now when they both do that, you add a little bit of insanity because a part of you just wants them to shut their pie/ass/all holes for a minute.  While I dont think either of them truly has colic, a medical wastebasket term for overly fussy baby, they can both be quite dramatic.  Most of this seems to center around farting and pooping... but its sometimes unclear. But all I can say as I'm " calmly" rocking them (and now myself) is "I'm so sorry baby its gonna be ok", which I am sure if I keep repeating a few more hundred times I'll believe and they will suddenly comprehend English and have an "Aha" moment in which they look at me say "Oh I'm just farting I get it now... no biggie.Thanks papa!"

Welcome!

Hi Universe,

I am writing this as sort of a personal dumping of ideas about the many things going on around me. Consider it therapy of sorts, or maybe its documenting my life in a way I haven't done before.  Maybe it is a way for Luke and Sonya to get to know me before I was just their dad.   I'm not going back to work for several more weeks, and this project may go to the wayside once life gets even more insane, but I'll take the gift of time and walk with it.

So since I am lucky enough to have the time, Ill start by sharing a few details.  My life has really been a roller coaster.  It's a bit long, so I'll get you all caught up. I'm currently 30, only three times now,  and have been married to my husband for 2 years.  I've been out since 2006, when I basically did a 360 and life changed dramatically.  I was a devout Muslim in the past, and I'm pretty close to being a Universalist now.  I believe wholeheartedly in a few things: that fundamentally most people are good, and that the human race will always survive, even better than the cockroaches. That is because of our ability to innovate; to create a brand new world, better than world before it.  What defines if the next generation will be better than the last? Only our labor and actions.  I will never adhere to a philosophy that things were better "then", because I live in the now.  If something isnt the way you want it to be.. fix it.  Sure I've made mistakes, but the best part about living in the present and for the future is the no mistake needs to be permanent.  We can change and evolve and make tomorrow better than yesterday.   

So now, more about the babies, my two little dreams, Lukman (Luke) and Sonya.  I am currently sitting with my husband, a great man, and listening to Snow Patrol while holding these two sweeties on our chests.  There is so many emotions to all this.

My husband, Justin, is really the nicest person I know.  His heart is gentle, and he is always so kind.  We met in San Francisco, and have been together for the last four years.  I love him so much.  He makes me everyday so happy.  About two years ago, we decided to pursue surrogacy as an option to have children.  We both wanted children very much, and considered this as our best option.  After several countries, agencies, attempts later, all mostly done by amazing husband, on November 9th 2014 we were gifted with Lukman and Sonya Jensen.  Its been a whole month and they are still kicking it... (although I did drop one from the couch... I wont say which one.. S/he was suprisingly mobile).  For most gay couples, kids are a no -go. Mostly people say its too much work, etc.. couples both hetero and homo describe studies in decreasing happiness.  But to me, children are such a source of joy, warmth.. a way to learn how beautiful life is once again after you've finally got the hang of it.  People have children for many reasons,  some out of expectation, some out of happenstance, some to relive their own childhood, but I think we had kids because we believe in their future.  We want these little guys to live in that future world, contribute to it, make it a better place.  We want them to find happiness, to find love, and maybe invent that hover skateboard I've been waiting for since Back to the Future.  

Things I hope to discuss in this blog: are my passions: these cuties of course.. and my other interests.. medicine and politics.  I love following politics,  I am center left.  I fully acknowledge and appreciate all the world has given me, and I hope to help the future children of the world get the same benefits as me, hopefully without the crippling debt. :P  I believe in education, science and civil rights.  I am very lucky to be an American, but we clearly have made mistakes (the CIA torture report just came out)   I am an avid Obama supporter, because even though the middle has been left bare in politics these days, he has stuck to a moderate position in almost all things, which I respect and am proud of.  My more conservative positions are in foreign affairs, disability funding, and some entitlement reform.  

I will of course rant about my other passion, medicine as well.  I am a nephrologist and internist; a nephrologist is a kidney doctor.  We deal with such things as kidney transplantation, dialysis and chronic kidney disease.  The politics of medicine is a hot button issue with me.. but i also just to love to discuss interesting cases.